It Won't Be Long Now?

My editor for The Indispensable Lottie Hot has finished her first pass through the manuscript and I'm pleased to say that very little damage was done!

Actually, she did an excellent job, making suggestions that further strengthen my characters and clarified some areas that could've confused the reader. In fact, she had a light touch and 99 percent of her changes corrected my utter hopelessness in the proper use of commas! Up next is another pass to pick up things she might have missed in the first read, at which point if we reach agreement on the draft, it will move into production. 

It does appear, after all this time, this book will actually happen!

This past weekend I made my first personal appearance at a book function. The local library held a book fair and one of the librarians who ran the book club in which I participate invited me to set up a table to display my books and do a reading. After six books, this is the first time I've ever done a reading, and it went very well. Of course it was only attended by the librarian and my wife, but it was good practice and it will serve me well once my new book comes out and I'm forced to become a public figure!

I will keep you updated in this blog as milestones are achieved in the publishing process, including release date, cover announcement, and various events. In the meantime, please check out my website, which I designed myself, and please sign up for my mailing list on the website. 

It's a Slooooowwww Start

The initial euphoria of signing my book contract with a traditional publisher back in late October last year has been tempered by the delay in actually engaging in the various steps in the publishing process. It took months before I was finally assigned an editor, which happened back in March. 

The highly competent person who will be editing The Indispensable Lottie Hot is currently up to her eyeballs with several other projects and hopes to get to mine by the fall. While less than ideal given my zeal to get on with things, I've learned that book publishing can be a very slow process, especially when it comes to small publishing houses like the one producing my book.

In the meantime, I've been trying to figure out a marketing strategy. I've been compiling lists of email addresses, book fairs, book stores, and possible events to hawk my masterpieces. There's not much in the way of promotion to do right now because I don't have a publishing date yet.

One thing I have done is create a website, Carl Ehnis Books , which I think came out pretty okay, given my lack of digital prowess. Check it out--I'd like to know what you think. AND PLEASE SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST once you get there!

There's nothing else to report for now. I'll be back with impressions of the editing process when that finally gets underway. I'm ready for the train to leave the station!

 

A Blog Resurrected


Five years ago I started this blog to chronicle my journey to what I hoped would be my first commercially published novel. The idea was the follow the detailed advice of so-called "experts" in the publishing field in how to present my story to the world. 

I did all the things they insisted upon, from producing an impeccable draft with help from a professional editor to assembling a marketing package to entice literary agents in hopes of landing a publisher. 

I did produce an impeccable draft of my book, COME THE HARPIES, which went on to win runner-up in a prestigious literary contest. But all attempts to land an agent and a publishing contract came to naught. If you care to experience my painful journey, I urge you to read prior posts in this blog.

After more than 150 rejections, I self-published HARPIES, as I have with my other books. I then went on to another project, this one called THE INDISPENSABLE LOTTIE HOT. I followed the same marketing process as I had for HARPIES, with similar results. 

And, as I announced in my last post in July, I pretty much gave up on this one as well, despite finishing runner-up last year in Pipeline's Unpublished contest out of 500 entries in the literary category. That achievement didn't change any minds among my rejectors, so I figured that was it for me.

But then...but then...I did one thing differently. Where I previously submitted exclusively to literary agents, I expanded my list to include a select number of smaller publishers that don't require agent representation.

One of the publishers I solicited in April responded last week. And this very morning, I signed my first commercial book contract! It even came with a small advance!

My 35-year quest to become a commercially published author will actually happen! The name of the publisher is Running Wild Press in Los Angeles. You'll be hearing more about them because I'm reviving this blog for those out in the ether who are interested in the steps required to go from a virtual unknown to becoming a professionally published author. 

There's a lot to it. I'll be working with editors and other creatives and much will be required of me from a marketing standpoint. The to-do list is long, including a photo session (which I dread), creating a website and Instagram account (No Twitter/X or Facebook, given my issues with their bosses), addressing legal responsibilities, create business cards, do events and whatever else comes up. All those steps will be covered here on my blog and future website.

I'll keep you posted as I approach publication, which is probably a year or so away. 

I tell you, what a kick in the pants!

 


 


Now Available (Again)--My Books!

For several months I unpublished my books in the expectation that I was about the land a publishing contract for my latest award-winning novel, The Indispensable Lottie Hot. Since that hasn't happened and probably won't, I again uploaded my books on Amazon and Smashwords.

You can't go wrong with any of the books, they're all damn good if truth be told. I'm currently working on a new edition of my magnum opus, Race Riot, which I hope to post on Amazon and numerous other platforms in both print and e-book forms. 

Given the clamor for more new stuff, I'm working on another, somewhat experimental, novel that may see the light of day in a couple of years. Unless I lose interest...of course.

Maybe I should take up golf instead...

Some Blogs Never Die--They Just Go On Hiatus

When last we met, I had just resurrected this blog to announce that one of my unpublished novels won an award. The book still hasn't been published, but...it won an award!

So here we are two years later and I finished another novel that couldn't find a publisher and, which (LOL) won an award! Well, actually, it finished second in the Literary Novel category in Book Pipeline's Unpublished Competition. That was pretty cool because there were close to 500 entrees in my category, which is a nice validation. But, of course, that hasn't resulted in any kind of book contract and I don't expect one given my track record! 

Still, there's nothing wrong being a highly decorated unpublished author. I do hope that a future public will discover my sterling work once I'm gone and will experience remorse that the author did not garner the respect and admiration his work merited when he was alive. I'm joking, of course. 

I'm working on another book which will be even more unpublishable than the others. 

Let me finish with a shout-out to certain folks in Hong Kong who seem to be taking an interest in this blog. I can't figure out why, but I appreciate your time and attention. 

So that's that-- maybe in another two years I'll drop another post. No promises.

He's Alive (?)

So it's been almost two years since my last post, which was gonna be my last post.

But here I am again. A wooden nickel in human form.

In the intervening period since I gave up on the idea of finding an agent/publisher, I was inspired by another book consultant to further polish my cover letter for COME THE HARPIES and greatly expand my universe of agents. That led to about 100 more rejections and further confirmation that if you don't write a certain kind of book or represent a certain type of author, there is no market for your output. 

Even the wildly successful James Patterson has been quoted and drawn a lot of flack for suggesting that white male authors haven't much chance in today's market unless they established their reputation and following decades ago. I've decided not to gnash my teeth over his observation.

One interesting piece of news is that my book was one of four finalists for the 2022 Maxy Award in the General Fiction category. That was a cool achievement and I did follow-up with some agents to promote that development, but still the response was crickets.

Periodically I check in with this blog and it does get some traffic, which I guess is primarily by accident. But for those of you who are here on purpose and are curious about my magnum opus, here's a link to its Amazon page. Print and e-book versions are available. 

It's got a pretty neat cover.

Also over the intervening period, I finished a draft of my latest novel, which is quite different from HARPIES, which I'll be editing over the coming months and then decide what to do with it.

So again I say farewell, or should it be au revoir for now. The future is forever fickle.

 

Journey's End (?)

The idea for this blog was to document an experiment. The experiment tested the idea that if you do everything right, would it be possible to successfully sell my novel to a publishing house? Along the way I would post the highs and lows of my journey and offer any insights gained from the experience. 

The first step in doing things right was producing as strong a manuscript as possible. Following expert advice, I wrote draft after draft until I felt confident enough to send it to a few beta readers, who then gave it a thumbs-up. After incorporating some of their suggestions, I then invested in a couple of rounds of revisions recommended by professional editors. 

At that point, I was assured that I had a well-written, tightly plotted manuscript. Further research taught me how to prepare a professional submission package containing a query letter, plot summary, and author bio, all of which I workshopped in sessions sponsored by Writer's Digest. By the time I incorporated various critiques from the pros, I was ready to go to market. 

I had what I thought was a great story, a spiffy query letter, and a focused list of agents who expressed an interest in my genre. In other words, I did everything "right," according to the experts.

My hopes were high. 

One hundred plus rejections later, it appears that my journey, similar to the Donner Party's, will not reach its desired destination! As engaging as the story was to my readers, it simply hasn't caught the fancy of any of my target agents. I don't know exactly why. Agents are famous for not providing reasons for rejecting a book, other than the boilerplate "unfortunately, your novel didn't pull me in like I needed to be."

So the conclusion of my experiment is that you can do everything right--including writing a compelling book--and still fail to place it. But going in, I knew that the odds of an unknown writer landing a publisher are infinitesimal. One factoid I picked up was that agents reject more than 95% of the submissions they receive. I have lots of company!

I also found out that the best way to stand out as a writer today is to be BIPOC (black, Indigenous and/or a person of color) and/or LGBTQ who writes stories that reflect those characteristics. Publishers and, by extension, agents are begging for submissions from these groups because the diversity police have been highly critical of the publishing industry for not showcasing more of these "under-represented voices."

These voice are now being heard. Half the fiction nominees for the UK Booker Awards and the U.S. National Book Awards are from Asia and Africa. And just this past Sunday, The Times reviewed four young adult books, one written by a Nigerian author, one by a Korean author set in Seoul, and one that checks two boxes by being about Latinx culture and featuring a gay-identifying trans boy!

I agree that a greater emphasis on under-represented voices does enrich the literary environment. But being a straight white male who has written a story about two heterosexual white teens who fall in love, puts me at a competitive disadvantage in today's market. I guess I have to sacrifice for the greater good!

So I will consider this the end of my journey, and probably this blog. (Or maybe a hiatus.) To be sure, the results are disappointing, but it doesn't mean that I will stop writing. I will always enjoy the thrill of pure creation--especially when something clicks. But the querying process is deflating and unpleasant. If I never submit my creation again, my mental health would probably benefit. 

As the years pass in a blur, I know our time on this planet is brief. I'd rather focus my energies on the things I truly enjoy in the time I have left.

Cheers!


Writer's Conference Debrief

The Writer's Digest Conference was a mixed bag for me. As a virtual event this year, the sessions on writing and marketing were no less effective had they been held in person. Some sessions were better than others, but I did pick up some valuable tips on handling dialogue and setting more effectively.

The main reason I attended was to pitch my book, which ended up being a bust for me. In a real one-on-one pitching event, authors meet agents in the flesh and try to establish some rapport. That was, of course, impossible this year. Instead, agents were assigned to visit my virtual "booth" (see my previous post), view my video pitch and then to engage in a typewritten (not video) chat to discuss my project. 

What happened in my case was five agents visited my booth, expressed no interest in the project, and took off. There was no chat--no back and forth . The one agent who did ask a question left my booth before I could finish typing my response. In other words, the pitching session was no more valuable than if I had cold queried those agents. My main regret was I paid extra for the pitch session, a total waste of money.

I did gain additional insight into why my book hasn't gained traction in the marketplace. Nearly all the writers and all the presenters at the conference specialize in genre fiction. The lesson constantly hammered home was you must become an expert in your genre, whether it be romance, mystery, fantasy, YA, sci-fi, etc. Every genre has specific components and formulas that readers expect, and successful genre authors always put their readers' desires first. If they don't deliver on those expectations, they will lose their readers. In other words, authors become slaves to their genre if they want to make a living writing books.

Unfortunately, I do not write that way. I write books involving themes and characters that excite me. I never consider genre. I worry about the audience after I write a book, not before. This goes back to my unfulfilling days as a marketing writer and generating sales collateral under very strict guidelines. I used my fiction projects as an outlet to let my creativity flow.  My books, as a result, are mongrels of various genres. COME THE HARPIES is part science fiction, part political satire, part YA, and part literary thriller.

In other words, this and my other books pose a steep challenge for agents pitching to publishers who are looking for the same old genre formulas. I do understand agents who don't want to touch my stuff, since they're trained to focus on categories. Most likely I'll end up being another unpublished writer with a good book.

In my next post, I'll explain why straight white males have an uphill climb in today's literary markets.


My Writer's Digest Virtual Booth

 The final phase of my COME THE HARPIES publishing venture will be my participation in the virtual 2020 Writer's Digest Conference. The highlight for me will be the chance to pitch my book to several agents who specialize in my genre. 

Since the conference is being conducted online due to the Covid-19 thing, each author presents him/herself through a virtual "booth." The booth is simply a landing page that agents can access that consists of my photo, a brief biography, a link to this blog, and a video comprising my pitch.

Last week I downloaded all those elements to the conference website. Making the video was a painful experience, and no one will confuse my presentation with a David Sedaris monologue. But it's done, and here it is.



After viewing this masterpiece, agents should be enticed to request a sample of my work. If not, they will lose my respect!

2020 Writer's Digest Conference Goes Virtual

Prior to the Covid mess I posted my intention of attending the August 2020 Writer's Digest Annual Conference in New York, where I would pitch my novel to several live agents. Of course all that went by the board as cases skyrocketed. Rather than cancel the conference, the organizers are hosting a virtual conference using some super-elaborate software to create a "world class meeting experience" that I will enjoy...in my basement early next month.

Instead of sitting across from a real live agent and stammering through my pitch, I will instead host a "virtual booth" containing my photo, a link to this very blog, and a 90-second video of me...pitching. The video will be an especially tedious and terrifying prospect because I don't consider myself all that telegenic. Maybe I'll wear a mask. A full-face mask. A Zorro mask!

In all fairness--if we must be fair--it's a pretty neat format. The major downside, other than not meeting face-to-face with agents via Zoom or Skype, is that we'll be communicating via keyboard in private chat rooms. So instead of exposing my weakness at in-the-flesh extemporaneous conversation, I'll be exposing my weakness at typing back and forth at lightning speed and thus accumulating a mountain of typos in the process. 

I guess the actual benefit of participating in the so-called "Pitch Slam" remains the same. My work will be on display to at least 3 agents who are required to give a modicum of feedback. Also, any agent at the conference can view my virtual booth and contact me if they have any interest. Plus, there will be an array of riveting sessions on writing, marketing, and promotion by well-known industry folks. 

Overall, I'm glad they didn't postpone the event, because I intend to make the conference my last grand gesture at marketing my book and didn't care to postpone that act of self-flagellation for another year. 

 

The State of Publishing

I don't follow the publishing industry that closely, since I don't really feel part of it yet. I've read, however, that even unpublished authors should avidly become acquainted with the industry since it should in some way help them in their marketing efforts. 

I don't necessarily believe that, but I did do some catch-up in this very interesting NY Times article, that does a good job of providing an overview of how the industry is faring during the Covid-19 crisis. It's told from the point of view of the world's largest publisher, Penguin Random House as it profiles its current leader. Here are some of my take-aways from the article.

  • After a steep drop at the start of the pandemic, book sales not only recovered but surged. Unit sales of print books are up nearly 6 percent over last year, according to NPD BookScan, and e-book and digital audiobook sales have risen by double digits. Reading, it turns out, is an ideal experience in quarantine. It seems that people are looking to take a break from Netflix.
  • Like Hollywood, which pours resources into universe-scale superhero franchises that are nearly guaranteed to get an audience, publishing has become increasingly reliant on blockbusters — a development that has left beginner and midlist authors struggling. (Deep sigh.)
  • The virus has pushed most book-buying online, a marketplace driven by algorithmic formulas that serves up mostly the hits, driving a cycle so self-fulfilling it’s nearly tautological: Best sellers sell the best because they are best sellers.
  • Random House is printing 3 million copies of Barak Obama's upcoming memoir (for which he received a $65 million advance!!!). This is exacerbating a current paper shortage in the book publishing industry. Many publishers have had to hold off or reduce print runs of upcoming books because printers have been going out of business, and those still printing books have had their supply chains disrupted.
As a writer, it's nice to know that people are reading more than ever. It's not nice to know that they're mostly reading the same books by the same authors because of the subtle positioning and hype bestowed by Amazon.

The Terror of the Blank Page

All writers have faced the daunting situation of sitting down to write and having nothing to say. It's the terror of the blank page. It happens to writers of all kinds: poets, novelists, journalists, bloggers, screenwriters, marketing writers (though I doubt it's ever happened to Joyce Carol Oates). The most recent time it's happened to me was this morning.

But as you can see, I've managed to jostle my empty brain and come up with an idea for a post. I think the way to break through what some call "writer's block" is to tailor the solution to the type of writing that you're doing. For this post, I forced myself to list some blog-specific categories like agents, editors, publishers, writing tips, complaints, etc. But nothing really emerged from that. So I took that "nothing" and ran with it.

Hence, today's topic is Nothing, specifically how to break through that Nothing. Last time I had nothing, I wrote about gardening, which turned out to be one of my most popular posts. (As an update, my gardening venture was a bust--one good cucumber and four stunted radishes. Appears that benign neglect in gardening is not a good approach.)

The worst kind of writer's block is when you're a few chapters into a novel and can't figure out where to go next. I believe that many many many more novels are started and never finished because the author can't get through her writer's block and gives up as a result. (I'm glad they give up; I don't need any more competition in the ultra-competitive publishing market!)

I agree with David Mitchell, the writer whom I currently admire most, who said that novelists who get stuck don't understand their characters well enough. He suggests that they write a couple of personal letters between two characters in the story insert pieces of their back story. That exercise can deepen the authors' understanding of their characters and perhaps guide them out of their creative ditch. 

I've been fortunate in the books I've written that I usually understand the story structures and my characters very well before the drafting begins. When I do get stuck, it's usually because my mind is on other things or I get hung up on how to present various plot twists. 

The sad thing is, bourbon doesn't seem to alleviate the terror of the blank page. 

  


Trump Will Win a Second Term

When I started submitting Come the Harpies to agents and publishers, I was hoping that the novel would be picked up quickly. That's because many of its themes are relevant to the social and political situation we find ourselves in today, largely as an outcome of Trump's horrific performance as president. I figured that my dystopian effort would be far more compelling to an audience while Trump was in office, assuming that America would wise up and kick him out on November 3. 

Now, I'm not so sure that we will be swearing in a new president in 2021. 

Come the Harpies projects what things will be like 50 years from now based on what's happening in America today. It's a nation where all citizens are required to carry guns; where laws regulating the environment, food processing, worker safety, oil production and much more are wiped off the books. It's a country where a small group of business plutocrats hold absolute power and where immigration is banned and non-white people have been sent into exile or conscripted into slavery. 

Needless to say, it's a nasty, smelly, violent place on the verge of environmental apocalypse.

In other words, it's what the nation would be like after 50 years of Trump-like, white supremacist rule.  The most terrifying thing is since I finished the manuscript, the nation is taking on more and more of the aspects depicted in its pages. It's playing less as a satire and more like a prophecy.

Trump is following the same playbook that others like Putin, Xi, Orben, Erdogen, Hitler, and Mussolini employed to install authoritarian rule. And it seems to be working. Trump has finally latched on to a winning strategy--at least a strategy that won him his first term. And that strategy is fear.

Fear is the strongest human emotion. Nothing stokes human response more than fear. And Trump knows how to push those buttons. 

So much to fear:

  • Fear that growing numbers of brown and black people will overwhelm white privilege. 
  • Fear that the Dems will take your guns away. 
  • Fear that the Dems will take away your religion, your unborn babies, your right to use incandescent light bulbs. 
  • Fear that "those people" will take away your job and suck up all your government benefits. 
  • Fear that the Dems will make you drive electric cars, take away your oil and coal, and close down the country just because of some stupid flu virus. 
  • Fear that your business will have to serve diverse-gender people. 
  • And the biggest fear of all: that Dems will make the government spend much less on military stuff and much more on healthcare, college tuition, infrastructure, childcare and other non-essential things. 

While the basis for most of these fears is unfounded, ridiculous, and completely ginned up by the extreme right, the feeling of fear across vast swaths of America is quite authentic. This can be attributed to the blunt force of Trump's American Carnage messaging supported by his incredibly effective propaganda machine embodied by Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, and various websites. 

It's sad, but logic, truth, facts, empathy, love, and competence are all ground under the boot heel of fear. We've evolved to make fear the paramount emotion because human survival depends on our ability to react to danger--and to Trump, that danger is Democrats. 

So for all the decency and effective leadership that Biden represents, I can't help thinking that Trump has a winning formula for a large portion of the vote--just scare the bejesus out of people! Between that, voter suppression and the absurd Electoral College, I fear November 3 could be a very long night.

Of course a Trump victory would be good for my book, which lays out in detail what to expect after another four years of Trump, and beyond. On the other hand, I truly hope that November 3 is not a good day for my book.

America could use some good news.

Why I Won't Self-Publish Come the Harpies

It's been said that every person has a book in him/her. In the past, however, few people bothered to actually sit at a typewriter and crank out the masterpiece within them. Today, it's so easy to write a book, that everyone seems to be writing, even those who don't have much of anything to say.

In the days when books were written on yellow pads and typewriters (like my first novel), you had to be highly motivated to grind out drafts and then deal with the dense cross-outs, marginal scrawls, Wite Out spillage, and flaking correction tape that comprised the editing process. 

Then came the personal computer and the ease of producing draft after draft with minimal mechanical effort. Now you can even dictate a draft into a computer without your fingers even touching a keyboard. So easy, in fact, everybody got into the book-writing game. 

The rub, however, is most people do not understand the massive effort it takes to write a marketable book and tend to overrate their own efforts. Worst of all, they try to publish before they've produced a polished manuscript. They haven't rewritten enough, enlisted professional editorial assistance, or subjected their drafts to a thorough proofread. They submit their masterpieces to agents and publishers anyway and get rejected and dejected.

Then we come to today, where it's even easier to write and submit books to publishers and agents. Everything is done through email, which means submitting is cheap and easy. Also it means agents who used to deal with a few dozen submissions a week a couple decades ago, are now bombarded with hundreds a week. That's the reality I'm facing with my book, in which I've invested countless hours and many dollars to make as commercially viable as possible. Only to see it rejected by agents who don't have the time to read it.

There's always self-publishing, which is also easier than ever. There are a slew of vendors who can design covers, format ebooks, and, if you choose, print as many copies as you want on demand. But the problem with many self-published books is they're poorly written and, as a result, don't sell very well. Indie writers who have skimped on the editorial process and published books with typos and grammatical errors tend to discourage readers and cast an overall bad light on the indie market.

Of course success can be found in this market. According to Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos,  almost 1,000 self-published authors earned at least $100,000 on the Amazon platform in 2019. But that kind of success is rare. According to Bowker, the number of self-published books grew to more 1.6 million(!) in 2018 (the most recent year available).  So the odds of making a decent amount of money in self-publishing don't sound very good to me. 

I've dabbled in self-publishing, and the thing you quickly learn is that you end up spending as much energy marketing, networking, and otherwise promoting your books as you do writing them. And marketing books remains a puzzle to me, even after a long career selling investment products. Book promotion is hit or miss and can waste a lot of time and money.

But, look, if you write romance and erotica, crime and mystery, religious, or science fiction books, there's a chance you could find self-published success, since these are the hottest categories for indie authors.

But the main reason I will not self-publish Come the Harpies is because I don't wanna. I'm retired and I just want to write good books. If my novel does get picked up by a publisher, I'll be more than happy to take an active role to promote it. That's the deal.

Why Do People Read Novels?

I had a long and successful career as a marketing communications writer in the financial services industry. I learned early on that successful marketing requires an ability to make an emotional connection with the customer. In other words, your brochure, website, tweets, video, emailer must show how your product can make your prospects feel smarter, lovelier, sexier, more popular, or cooler. 

Doesn't matter what you're selling, every customer is a human and every human has certain desires. Keeping those needs uppermost in mind, my brochures sold a lot of sexy mutual funds and annuities! 

It appears the same thing is true when seeking success as a novelist. Know your audience. Start with the question: Why do people read fiction?  I think people read for the same reason they watch movies, stream Netflix, go to plays, attend ball games, art galleries, concerts, etc. They seek escape. They want to leave their troubled world for a while and immerse themselves in someone else's.

Writers eagerly embrace the demand--purple romances for the love-obsessed, mysteries for those who like to solve puzzles, fantasy for those who want to leave this world entirely, high-brow literary tomes for those who never stop being English majors. Authors who are successful in any of these genres have a sophisticated understanding of their audience and know how to push their buttons.

Unfortunately, I don't write fiction that way.  You see, marketing communications was my job and I was good at it. But I didn't find it rewarding. I wrote novels in my spare time, which I did find very rewarding-- and fun. It was my escape from my troubled world. It freed me from having to write with a single-minded focus on a commercial audience. 

My books are written for an audience of one: me! I write the kind of books that I like to read. I never get tired of reading my books--maybe it's the voice, the characters, the style, the themes, my narcissism. 

But the risk of writing for an audience of one is that such a bespoke approach will never appeal to a mass audience, which is required to win a publisher's interest.

While that is frustrating, to say the least, I don't envy successful authors of romance, mystery, fantasy, YA, and other standard genres. Because they are locked into writing a certain kind of book, otherwise their audiences will abandon them. Thus, writing book after book becomes a job and they are required to churn out the same thing year after year. 

Not much different than being a marketing communications writer in the financial services industry. 

I've Won Lots of Medals

It's important when producing a blog that you constantly refresh it with frequent posts, at least once a week and the oftener the better. The problem with that imperative is the necessity of having  something compelling to say. It makes it much more interesting to the reader (to paraphrase Steve Martin in PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES).

Unfortunately, I sometimes find myself blanking out when it comes to conjuring intriguing topics for my horde of readers. After exhausting the most obvious topics about 15 posts ago, I've found myself staring at an empty screen more often than not. But I've found an answer:

I ask my wife!

She may not be a professional writer, but she has lots of good ideas for stories...and blog topics. In fact, one of my most successful posts was one of her ideas: starting a garden. Pretty damn good! And so I went to her again and she inspired this post, which cuts to the heart of my modest success as a writer.

As a competitive runner for the past three decades, I've amassed an enormous collection of medals. I display these tokens by looping them around a gas pipe in the basement and in front of the table where I do my writing so that they're never out of my line of sight.

These medals point up similarities with my writing. They show that, like writing, I've been running a long time. They show the wide variety of races in which I've competed, like the various media in which I've written over the past 40 years. What the medals don't show, however, are specific victories.

The medals handed out at races are called "finisher medals." It means you finished the race--that's all. And I do finish races. Of the hundreds of races in which I've competed, there was only one that I didn't finish, which was more than 20 years ago.

The same holds true with my writing. I have started and finished six books, and am working on a seventh that I will certainly finish. I don't get a medal for finishing a book, but a do get a hefty Word file and plenty of rejection notes to mark the existence of my work.

Finishing is good. I know plenty of people who have started writing books and never finish them. And many fine writers who are afraid of even starting a book. There's satisfaction in finishing a long complex project like a novel, just like there's a certain elation to training, competing and finishing a marathon.

Sure, it's not the same thing as winning a race or signing a publishing contract, but it is something special. You've accomplished something difficult that few people would even consider undertaking. There's a certain consolation in that.

And it's something I think about when I look up at my gas pipe and its jam-packed row of finisher medals.

The Annoying Sound of Crickets

In the stillness of the night, not a sound to be heard but the stridulation of crickets. So relaxing, such a peaceful song with which to end your day. Nature's lullaby.

I'm so not talking about that!

This is about the slangy usage of the term "crickets." As in a non-reaction to a given stimulus. Such as a riotously funny joke that evokes not even a titter from the audience. Such as the dead silence that overtakes a staff meeting when the boss insists on a brainstorming session. Such as why did you think I wanted a vacuum cleaner for my birthday?

I've sent out dozens of query letters and samples for my novel, COME THE HARPIES. What do you think has been the predominant response from my target agents? That's right. Crickets!

Years of honing the manuscript and draft after draft of query letters and plot summaries only to be met with a wall of indifference. What to do? This video helps explain why writers do not often hear back from agents.

According to the video hosts, the number one reason agents do not respond to queries is because they haven't read them! Other reasons include the possibility that your query is not compelling, the recipient isn't interested in your book, or he or she may be on the fence about whether to request more material from you.

For my own sanity, I will assume that my book is worthy and my query letter stellar, thus making myself believe that my queries are simply not being read. That being the case, I'll take the video host's advice and send out follow-ups to all my non-responders. Many follow-ups. I mean MANY MANY FOLLOW-UPS! I will be heard! Email is free! I dare them to spam me!

Crickets is the ugliest non-sound in the world for us writers. 


Stop Writing!

Write something every day. That's what the wise people of words constantly advise writers if they ever want to become really good. On its face, it seems like a reasonable suggestion.

As the old joke goes: How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice! And it was Malcolm Gladwell who said that it takes at least 10,000 hours to master anything: from a foreign language, to a musical instrument, to brain surgery. Maybe even writing. Heck, I've been writing professionally for about 40 years, so that's way more than 10,000 hours. But I'd be the last person to claim that I've mastered the written word!

So write every day. That's what other writers say, what writing instructors say, and what publishers say. In fact, you can download apps that provide daily ticklers that prompt you to write in case you forget.

I don't, however, think people should write every day. There are way too many writers in the world, and not enough readers. So why bother? Writing is hard and there are many other productive ways to spend your time than toiling over an unruly manuscript. I'm a gardener now!

But if you must write, make sure you have a purpose. What do you hope to accomplish? BE REALISTIC!

For example, if you're like me, with hopes of being published, be ready for lots of disappointment. The competition is brutal, those doing the judging (agents and editors) make decisions that are often arbitrary and capricious, and the pay is terrible even if you manage to land a book contract.

A more realistic goal is to self-publish. You will get to see your handiwork in print, but most likely you won't sell anything. With few exceptions, most self-published books suck and don't generate much of an audience. Your best bet is to "sell" your book for free on Smashwords.

Maybe you feel a need to write every day because you have a consuming passion to express yourself. You may even have a flair for words. By all means, write away, join a writing group that reads their stuff to each other, take an adult creative writing class. Then file your essays/stories away and start working on the next one. Make writing an intellectual and emotional outlet and don't make others read your stuff!

This is hardly inspirational and I apologize for that. The thing is, writing well is grueling and humbling and not much different than learning needlepoint or mudding a perfect Sheetrock seam. It's true that becoming a good anything takes practice--my writing's improved a lot over the years.

But being a good writer, or even a great writer, does not mean you'll be a published writer. So write every day if you feel you must. Just don't let your hopes and dreams get the best of you.

Planting a Garden

Querying agents and publishers is mostly about waiting. 

After researching appropriate agents for my book and composing the perfect query letter, everything else is a waiting game. It takes very little time to personalize the query and click send on the agent email. 

As a writer, I could always productively use that time to resume work on another unfinished novel or write a poem or a book review on Goodreads. Or clean the bathrooms or vacuum the living room. Or watch TV or go for a walk.

Or plant a garden. Yes, plant a garden! Everyone's planting gardens! People have grown fat from baking bread and are raising saddle sores from riding their new bicycles. So now they're planting vegetable gardens. So natural, so Zen, so one with earth, so marvelous an outlet for restless Americans! So metaphorical with respect to life and rebirth and fertility! Just so...exclamation point! 

We are all planting gardens. Including me. 

Skeptics who hang on my every word will note in my bio (to the right of this post ) my aversion to gardening. But for months there was a box with five varieties of vegetable seeds sitting in my kitchen. The instructions said that the time to plant those seeds is NOW!

Yuck. Dirt, flies, weeds, stones, shovels, heavy bags of soil. But there I was, dropping tiny little seeds into little pots with burlap sides and within days witnessing shoots of various shapes and sizes thrusting through the perlite. That was nice, I guess. And then yesterday I was shown by my garden-hound wife how to fill large pots with soil mixtures and daintily transplant my shoots that, over time, will reward my efforts with tasty cucumbers, beets, radishes, lettuce, and onions. 

That is if I water them enough. If the sun doesn't kill them. If the deer don't eat them. Nature is remorseless, but I refuse to lapse into the metaphor jungle on that score. 

So, am I a gardening convert? Do I see myself volunteering at the local community garden? No, I'm not really a nature boy--mainly, I fear nature. It's that nature is so uncontrollable and apolitical. Nature is physics, chemistry, and biology--it will not bargain with you. As the saying goes, "Don't mess with Mother Nature." I do hope to literally taste the fruits of my dirt endeavor, but if it doesn't work out, that's fine too. I'm up against formidable natural forces.

But it sure beats sitting around waiting for the next book rejection.

How to Pitch a Novel

I'll be pitching my novel at the annual Writer's Digest Conference on August 13th--if there is an annual Writer's Digest Conference on August 13th!

What this means is I will have one-on-one sessions with about a half-dozen book agents with the hope of convincing them to consider my book for representation. And I will have 90 seconds to make my pitch.

I've been honing my pitch for over a year and will continue honing and rewriting until the book is finally picked up. My current pitch includes an opening "hook" that describes what my book is about and its intended audience. This is followed by a brief plot summary and how my book is different from the usual stories of its kind. It goes like this:

COME THE HARPIES is a timely, action-packed satire with YA/adult crossover appeal. It imagines a U.S. 56 years in the future based on what’s happening right now.
Our hero Egon Pace is a shy senior at White Castle High and a total misfit in the violent polluted world of 2076. Inspired by his rebel dad, Egon hates the things that America loves most.  Shooting guns, leading Yakker troops in foreign mercenary operations, and breeding as young as 14 to repopulate a nation ravaged by environmental disease and endless war. 
Egon’s attitude makes him a target at school. He’s constantly dodging bullets, bullies and fists. When Lynette, the girl he loves, is nearly murdered in the halls, Egon snaps and fights back hard. 
But when he’s discovered with a banned book from his dad that reveals the truth behind America’s path to apocalypse, Egon realizes his days are numbered. As the state comes after him, Egon and Lynette bolt to a fabled utopian nation in the west. It’s a race for freedom…a race for survival.  
This all sounds pretty dark, but COME THE HARPIES is not your typical gloom and doom dystopian downer. Often it veers into hilarious farce as it depicts our poor twisted nation and the buffoons in charge as it circles the drain.  
I’d compare it to what the young heroes go through in the Shusterman novel, Dry, set in The Uninhabitable Earth.
This does time out a little long, but if my pitch is indeed cut off at 90 seconds, I can always leave out the last paragraph. Or figure out how to cut 20 words.

Or talk real fast!

It Won't Be Long Now?

My editor for The Indispensable Lottie Hot  has finished her first pass through the manuscript and I'm pleased to say that very little d...